1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
high people should be assigned attendants
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
