so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
