well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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