I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
