Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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