So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
