Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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