I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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