hell yes lets make some ravioli
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
