why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
