At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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