No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
