Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
