Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
