Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We left the knife in your bed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
