I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
