Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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