before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
