She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
