I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
