You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
