"it" just moved
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
