Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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