I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
