Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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