i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
