I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
