Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
