Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
