you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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