Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
