i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
