I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
someone owes me an orgasm
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
