Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
