What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
