Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
