lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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