Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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