my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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