You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
