I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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