No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
