I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
