im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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