I accidentally burped into my bong.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
