My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
