My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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