theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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