When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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