i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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