i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
