I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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