Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
