Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
