he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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