look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
