so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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